The Russian wrestling team and American wrestling team are having a 5-on-5 exhibition match

Both teams are down to their final wrestlers, tied at two wins apiece. The remaining American wrestler is 5′10″, 175lbs., and his Russian counterpart is 6′7″, 300lbs and all muscle. The American coach sends his wrestler into the match with little hope of winning. As expected, the Russian has his way with the American. Suddenly, the American explosively turns the match around, pins the Russian, and gains the victory for the American team.

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A chicken and an egg are laying in bed.

The chicken is stretched back smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile across his face.

The egg is frowning and looking extremely frustrated.

The egg says, “Guess we answered that question.”

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Three guys in a pub start bragging about their techniques.

The first says, “When I have finished making love with my girlfriend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floats 6 inches above the bed in ecstasy”.

The second replies, “That is nothing. When I’ve finished making love with my girlfriend, I kiss all the way down her body and then lick the soles of her feet. She floats 12 inches above the bed in pure ecstasy”.

The third says, “That’s nothing. When I’ve finished shaggin’ me bird, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe me dick on her curtains. She hits the f*ckin’ roof”

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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

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One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.
So she asked him, “What should we do about this?”
Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”

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A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor’s for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ”Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?”
And the man says, ”Oh me and God? We’re tight. We have a real bond, he’s good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.”
Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man’s wife and said, ”I’d like to speak to you about your husband’s connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?”
And she says, ”That idiot, he’s been peeing in the refrigerator!”

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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, “TWO PROSTITUTES… $150.00.”
A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they’d have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they’d be arrested and taken to jail.
Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, “JESUS SAVES.”
The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over.
“Well, that’s a little different since it pertains to religion.”
The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.
The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again.
As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, “TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER… $150.00.”

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